ALT

that’s right

After I explained the mistake, she laughed uproariously.

“You’re damn lucky I’m not a swan!” she said, wiping tears from her eyes. “They get by on their reputation for being pretty and graceful, but buddy, a swan ain’t nothing but a bigger, meaner goose. What do you all want swan wives for anyway?”

I opened my mouth and then shut it again. Honestly, I hadn’t actually stopped to think about that much. It had become a mark of status, having a demure, graceful woman following on your arm, always dressed in white and gazing soulfully about.

“They all seem very nice,” I said finally.

She pursed her lips thoughtfully as she finished pulling on the robes I’d brought with me. “Then there’s something else going on,” she said. “I’ve met my share of swans and not a one of them would put up with that shit. Are you sure they were swans to begin with?”

“Well, no, now that you mention it. I mean, everyone says that’s what they are, but I’ve never actually seen anyone else do it.”

“Do they talk? Act like humans? Do they seem intelligent?”

“Well, they are humans, so I suppose they must be, right?” This conversation was not going the way I had expected it to.

“Hah! Fat chance. Transmutation is just changing the shape of a thing. You turn a swan into a human and all you’ve done is put a swan mind in a human-shaped box. Wouldn’t do a wizard much good to be able to turn into a wolf or whatever if they suddenly only had a wolf’s brain to work with, would it?”

“So, you’re saying that if those women were swans originally, they’d still act like swans?”

“Hoo boy yeah,” she said. “Absolutely. Hissing, biting people, trying to build nests, shitting everywhere. The works.”

“Wait, but what about you?” I asked, desperately trying to get the conversation back on track. “You seem like a human, but you were a goose ten minutes ago.”

She grinned wickedly at me.

“I was shaped like a goose ten minutes ago,” she said. “And I appreciate the makeover. But I wasn’t a goose to begin with. Now come on. There’s something hella creepy going on around here, and we’re gonna figure out what.”

She started walking back up the path towards town.

“Wait!” I shouted, hurrying after her, “If you weren’t a goose, then what are you? And what’s your name?”

“You can call me Gwydd,” she said. “And as for what I am, it’s a long story. I’ll tell you some day. But first, you’re going to tell me everything you know about these swan ladies.”

*says 'I'm so fucking sick of this pandemic shit' in a distinctly anti-capitalist 'break the patents on all the vaccines' way*

In case anyone can’t read the article for whatever reasons, the VPNs acquired are:

ExpressVPN

Private Internet Access

Zenmate

CyberGhost

And the VPN review sites they purchased are:

vpnMentor

Wizcase

So if you use any of those, time to look for other options.

This is the closest gif that can really capture the utter chaotic energy that is released when people hear this song